Boy do guys get offended when I don’t go out with them because they have young children that are at the center of their lives! If it was a clean divorce/break up with no kids then she isn’t in the picture.
I mean I always say never say never, because anything’s possible. I don’t mean to offend or exclude anyone but I just can’t do it. Don’t forget the mothers, you also have to deal with her too. Now, you never know, I might be proven wrong one day and meet an amazing guy with kids who his life in order.
But while it isn’t the ideal situation for some women, is dating a guy with a child really all that bad? It very well depends on the man, and how serious he is about getting into a committed relationship. When my guy mentioned that he had a child, I admit that the fear factor did set in. Having to deal with the ‘chile mudda’ may not be one’s cup of tea, but this is one of the things you may have to do while you’re dating your guy. something even more special is added to the relationship, as the guy would have to trust you to take such a big step in introducing you to his prized possession, and it’s often a good sign that he takes you seriously.
As the words tumbled from my mouth, all three gave me ‘the look’.
I’ve said before that partner priority relationships is where I’m at. Now I know it’s not always that black and white and some men really do have their shit together and can balance their lives, but that’s the exception to the rule. They are also more affectionate from what I’ve experienced. That’s when I decided that this probably isn’t for me. I don’t hate kids, I love kids, I just don’t want to deal that’s all. I do date men with kids over 18 though, they don’t really need their parents as much. I rarely go there so don’t ask and please don’t get offended.
Dating men with kids takes someone very selfless and someone who is good at compromising her precious partner time. So, in order to avoid those problems, dating men with kids is something I don’t do. They are usually more mature and responsible and have their shit together because they have to. There are some amazing men out there with some great kids I’m sure of it. What happens is that inevitably I get put aside for one reason or another, all good reasons. I want to be able to be with my partner when it feels right. But, I would rather limit my choices than settle for something that I know won’t make me happy. Someone else’s kids shouldn’t be my responsibility. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it, I’m just saying it’s not my first choice. We like what we like and it’s time to be proud of who we are and what we want.
Alas, I admit, those were my exact words, but those words were also spoken by a much younger and not so much wiser version of myself. Obviously, there are several issues to deal with when someone has a child. Do you think you’ll get jealous when you have to share him, and can’t throw a tantrum because you’ll ‘look bad’ for being jealous of a child? trying to pacify the mother so his relationship with his child isn’t affected, and keeping his ‘woman’ comfortable.
I have learnt through maturity and life’s little lessons, that limiting yourself or options because of the checklist of the perfect man or ideal relationship you have etched in your mind doesn’t actually prove to be realistic. Yes the other woman; the ex who will always be present in both of your lives. Will your plans get rescheduled at the last minute, because something came up with the child or because of a situation with the other parent? Can your significant other manage any possible drama? And let’s be real, what about feeling secure about your relationship when you see him with her and their child, looking like a happy family unit? Still, it was a great relief to have taken that step. another thing with dating someone who has a child is this…